Jeanette Writes At Wordpress Dot Com

I know that I am only twenty. I know that I have only experienced a fraction of life, but it really frustrates me when people, those who are older than me, “talk down” on me. I really really hate it. I mean, hey I know what you’re talking about, and guess what, you’re not the only one who’s gone through that, I have too!

I’m sorry if you’re younger than me and I’ve ever sounded like a know-it-all to you. I really am sorry. Now I know how much that feeling sucks.

In germany now! (: will momentarily stop posting here, check my germany blog for updates! (:

http://ichliebedeutschland.wordpress.com

It suddenly got hip, taking photos with younger cousins. (:

I hate myself. I am conceited, arrogant, I even do the things that I hate others doing to me. I’m so detestable, even to myself.

Somehow, when you hate yourself so much, loving your enemies become so easy.

Grace is getting what we do not deserve.
Mercy is not getting what we deserve.

Thank You, Lord, for being so gracious and merciful.

In the past 20 years, who would remember me? In 20 yrs down the road, would you remember me? Would I just be a random face, without a name, without a soul? Sometimes when I bump into people and see their blank faces, it kinda hurts, that I wasn’t worth remembering.

I just hope I made a difference to some people.

To all those who:

1. can’t wait for me to disappear for a good SIX months, or
2. genuinely want to wish me well on my long journey, or
3. are really good friends of mine, or
4. are just superbly nice people.

Here’s my flight details for GERMANY.

25 February | 2325hrs | British Airways | Singapore - Heathrow - Stuttgart

See y’all there! Uhmm. At Terminal ONE.

edit*

People who might be coming: Joe, Tengjin, Joel Tham (why is it all guys?!)

Have you ever wished to see someone so bad, that it made your head hurt?

That you’ll look over your shoulders periodically to see if that person appears.

That you’ll walk to the end of the train just in case that person’s in the same train as you.

That you’ll see if that person appears when the doors open.

And it never happens. You meet so many other people, but this one person whom you’re dying to “bump into” never appears.

I went to work today, thinking, what an ordinary day this would be.

Except that there isn’t Jesline or Tengjin in the office.

When I left the office, I was greeted by a huge crowd of school-going kids. And then I remembered: today’s the first day of school. And the next thought was: their shoes are so white, whiter than they’ll ever be in this entire year I think. You could hardly see a spot them. But I guess it’s only for today.

They should call today “Clean School Shoes Day”.

I decided. Maybe I should return to my bimbotic blog-posting.

So, I’ve been working. Sort of I guess. I’ve been shamelessly taking leave here and there, but hey, they don’t need three temp staff in the office with 8 permanent staff anyway. This same department where I’m working at survived well on 4 perm staff and 2 temp staff last year, with a hell lot more of work to do. Yes, there was more work to do last year, and that kinda made the work more exciting. Now all the exciting work has been allocated to an external department. BOOHOO.

But having Tengjin and Jesline around has been immensely enjoyable. I just like having Tengjin around, even though he likes, or should I say loves, to booly me, it just has a warm feeling to it, all these teasing. My taste in friends is unique. Whoever would like to stick with one who teases them to no end, I know not of any other. I like Tengjin, and I do feel a tinge of sadness that I won’t see him everyday. Who knows, we might only meet when he starts school in NUS, or maybe we won’t meet at all.

As for Jesline, she’s just so silly, in a very funny way. She is probably the only person in the world who actually thinks that I am funny. And she genuinely laughs at all my dumb jokes. She’s just so lovable! (: I hate the thought of not seeing her at work everyday too. ):

Talking about Jesline, I constantly think of Vanessa too. And what a bad cousin I must be. How she would meet up with Jesline. I miss the silly times we had together, and thinking about it, I can only blame myself. After all, she’s as lovely a cousin as one could ask for, but I just didn’t treasure her enough, as I ought to.

You see, that always happens to me. I often don’t realise what marvellous people are around me until I lose them. And it leaves a very sick feeling. It’s like the aftertaste of the Capellini (whateverthatisIhavenoidea), terribly bitter.

Do you think there’s a cure for unappreciativeness?